Not only do the fate of tiny baby geckos keep me awake, but things like this make my imagination run wild.
So many questions......
Who names their baby Irv?
Is it short for Irvin?
Was this dollar actually Michael Irvin's?
If it was Michael Irvin's, what did he spend it on? Strippers? Poker? Cocaine? Beer?
Whatever happened to Michael Irvin?
Who gives a baby a dollar and writes their name on it?
Does Baby Irv even know it's gone?
Did Baby Irv get so desperate for cash that he saw no option but to use his very first dollar?
If he did, what did he spend it on?
That's the one that really bothers me.
Did he take it to school one day for show and tell and the school bully beat him up and took it and Baby Irv never saw his dollar again?
Did Baby Irv secretly bet on the ponies at the petting zoo and gambled away his milk money only to have to use his dollar to pay the third grade bookie or face a swirlie in the toilet?
Did he possibly have to use it to pay for his Pixie Stick candy addiction or face an intervention on A&E with Candy Finnigan?
Did Baby Irv use it to tip that little floozy, Bambi, in nursery school after she danced the Hokey Pokey just for him?
Did Baby Irv, thoughtlessly grab it accidentally from his piggy bank to buy a pickle at the bake sale, never realizing what he had grabbed... all in his thirst for that first vinegary sour bite?
Did he use it to pay off his library fine on his secret guilty pleasure book, Twilight, afraid his mother would make fun of him for his taste in sparkly vampires and tepid love triangles?
The more I think about it the crazy the scenarios get. I hope that Baby Irv wasn't a grown up, who saved the dollar his whole life, and then literally when he was down to his last buck, used it to buy crack or cigarettes or a big, tall can of beer in a tiny brown paper sack. That would break my heart for Baby Irv.
Anyone know what happened to Baby Irv?
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