Just So You're Not Shocked When the News Breaks

I've always had a PCH... pretend celebrity husband.  He's my freebie.   The one who if I meet at Albertson's while buying groceries, I can run away with, no questions asked, and Big Daddy will understand.

I think he's okay with this, because he thinks it will never happen, or maybe he's just ready to pass me off to the next poor, unsuspecting schmuck.

It might never happen, but it could.

Sooner than he thinks, actually.

My long-standing PCH is Robert Downey, Jr.   I fell in love with him in a movie called "Only You."   If you haven't seen it, do.    He plays this amazing guy who's in love with this girl, and she's in love with him, actually she's in love with his name. Then she changes her mind, so he has to win her.    It's filmed in Italy and has some breathtaking scenery.  Just see it.  It'll make you smile.   And even if it doesn't you get to look at this...

Yummy.   I don't think he'd have a hard time winning me.   He's funny. He's smart.  He has those huge brown, puppy dog eyes, and a slight naughty boy air, all wrapped up in that pretty package.  Don't tell Big Daddy, but his resemblance to Robert Downey, Jr., is the main reason one of the reasons I keep him around.


At different times, my PCH has also been Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.

Because you just have to love a man who can keep his sense of humor while dealing with crap.  And who sings opera for fun.


I also have been pretend married to Desmond from LOST.   Yes, I realize his real name is Henry Ian Cusick.   He'll always be Desmond from LOST to me, though.

He has this crazy accent and brown puppy dog eyes like my original crush, Robert, or as he likes for me to call him, Sweetie-Pie, Honey Face, Kissy-Kissy.  Yes it's a long pet name, but it works for us.

Don't judge.

Where was I?  Oh that's right.  Me and my Pretend Celebrity Polygamy.

Right..... So,  Desmond from Lost.   If you've ever seen an interview with him, you know he's also crazy smart. Crazy.  Smart. Not crazy and smart.  There is a difference.  An important one.   He speaks like a gazillion languages and has done a ton of Shakespearean plays, even working with the Royal Shakespeare Company, which is the crem de la crem of Shakespearean companies, as you hoity-toity people know.  

My latest PCH, however, is this guy right here.

Mr. Adam Levine.   It's not just that he's a rock star who writes catchy lyrics that just beg for me to respond to them.  

Tap on my window. Knock on my door  I wanna make you feel beautiful.

You do??   I wanna feel beautiful!   It's fate!

Don't mind spending every day 

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile 

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

You want to repair my broken smile?  You are so committed to making me feel loved, you'll stalk me in the rain?   Ok, Adam.  If you feel you must, okay. 

When it's cold outside and you got nobody to love 

You'll understand what I mean when I say 

There's no way we're gonna give up

You're committed to our PCM (Pretend Celebrity Marriage)  like I am?  Whew, what a relief.  I'll even overlook the fact that you used got in a sentence.  

He's also loyal to his fans.  He's funny.  He loves his pets.   What girl can resist a guy who loves animals? He had a dog that recently passed away and was heartbroken.   I could help him get over that grief.    

Because you see,  Maroon 5 will be on the Today Show on Friday for their summer concert series, and I'll be right there in the Today Show Plaza. I'll be easy to recognize.  I'll be the mom who will be stock-still, like a deer in the headlights caught in the  presence of  amazingness.  I'll be the one with the stupid expression on my face as I make googly eyes at my PCH.   And while I will  also be in the presence of my RLH  (that would be my real life husband) and chaperoning 25 middle school and high school students on their first ever trip to New York, I know that when my eyes meet Adam's across that plaza over all those screaming fans and Cupid's little bow goes *thwang* as he shoots his arrow....... it's all gonna be all right.  I'm prepared to be his muse.  It will be a tough life, but I'll do it for the music.  

You know, I just thought of this... my first blog post ever even involved him!   That's it.  Definitely something larger than us all at work here.    Done.  Deal.  

I've already informed Big Daddy to be prepared for this eventuality.  I've even given him strict directions on how to get all the students back to Texas after I run off.   

He just rolled his eyes.

I might need to give him those directions again.   

I wanted you guys, my loyal blog readers, to be prepared, as well. 

When you hear that Adam's off the market.   Don't be shocked.  You heard it here first.   

I was gonna use this picture for Adam's picture, but I am *so* against the objectification of someone's body I just couldn't make it the big picture.  So I made it the small one.  ;)  You're welcome.  

*** I just realized that I didn't make the above picture smaller.    I was so overwhelmed by his eyes, I forgot.   Eyes, yeah.  Let's go with that.