Warning....This Post May Have TMI, But When Has That Ever Stopped Me?

Why is it that stomach viruses always strike at 2:30 in the morning?  

There I was sleeping like a baby, and suddenly I was awake, gagging.     Big Daddy was out of town, and I was out of commission.   After several hours of moaning and rushing to the toilet, the alarm went off and The Kid was up, getting ready for school.  Somebody had to take her to and from school 15 minutes away, so I threw on some clothes, made it there and made it home without having to pull over.  I celebrated that success with a trip to the bathroom and then a nap on the couch.  Aim high, people.   

The after-school trip, I wasn't so lucky.

The day had not been kind to me, and I had on pjs with no bra and no make-up.  I pulled my hair back in a messy bun, put on a baseball cap and my fashionista Olsen Twins/Paris Hilton owl-sized sunglasses, and set out.   My hope was that no one would recognize me.   I work there, after all, and my kid goes to school there.   I looked like hammered dog poop and felt even worse.    Kids can be cruel, and honestly, I didn't want to embarrass The Kid.

I got to school about 15 minutes early, because the line to get into the parking lot is ridiculously long and drivers are idiots.   I wanted to avoid all that, park where she could see me, and get home.

I was successful in finding a spot, rolled down the window, and  checked Facebook on my phone.   Suddenly, my stomach rolled.  Oh, crap.  I gagged and shoved the door open, reluctant to ruin the leather seats in the car.  

As I vomited in the parking lot, like some drunk teenager with my head hanging out the door,  I heard a honk.   I paused long enough in my retching, to look up.  There was a  man who looked like a cast member from  Honey Boo-Boo, in a huge truck, giving me the thumbs up.  I gagged again.  

"Woo-Hoo!" he shouted.  "Starting early.  Yeah!"

Seriously?   

There I am, a teacher at the school, puking in the parking lot out the side of my car, and a parent thinks I'm not sick, but puking drunk, driving my car to pick up the my kid?   And that it's okay?    And that it's something to celebrate?

Explains so much about my job.