I'm Sure I'm Wrong....Maybe

I have a habit of getting bored very easily.

I also have a very active imagination.

Two great things that mean I could either be a genius OR a Jack Russell terrier who's energetically barking in the corner at nothing.

When I'm in line at the grocery store, I have created a game to keep myself entertained.    I like to look at the products in someone's cart or on the grocery belt and try to figure out what people are about to eat or do.

If  the person in front of me is buying crackers, Kleenexes, and some chicken noodle soup, obviously someone in their house is sick.    Flowers and a card, it's a birthday or an anniversary.  Super easy, and it helps to pass the time.

The other day, however, my imagination ran wild.  

There was a woman in line in front of me at Wal-Mart.   She was an older woman, probably mid 60s, dressed well, prim and proper. Pink two piece suit dress.  Sensible black shoes and handbag.   Pursed lips.  Lipstick slight askew.  Crinkly blue eyes.  Creepy Grandma looked like she baked cookies, had a cat, and sent you five bucks in a birthday card for your birthday or like she had someone chained up in her tool shed.

It puts the lotion on its skin.

Something was.... *off* about her.

Creepy Grandma had placed several interesting items on the grocery checkout belt.   She had four enemas, some Ex-Lax, and toilet paper.  Okay.... Obviously, someone has a stopping up problem and needed a little help with excavation.

She also purchased two douches, some plastic sheeting, three rolls of duct tape, super glue, and some breath mints.    That's where my imagination starting freaking me out a little.

 Maybe she wasn't feeling Springtime Fresh.  Okay.  I can deal with that.   Breath mints?  Apparently the breath needed a little freshening up too.

Plastic sheeting and duct tape made me think of serial killers.   Was Creepy Grandma planning to off someone?  Did she have someone locked away in her chintz covered guest room?

Then  I began to wonder if perhaps, she was a planning a very messy night.   Perhaps a colonoscopy was ordered and she's worried about a trek to the bathroom?   Plastic sheeting and duct tape to protect the carpet?  If that was it...bless her little pea picking heart and I hope she's okay.

Maybe it was a combination thing.  Maybe she's got the colonoscopy thing  (toilet paper, enemas, ex-lax) going on and then she's going out on date (douche, breathmints) and then she plans on killing him (plastic sheeting and duct tape).

I couldn't figure it out.   I played the scenarios out in my head for 10 minutes, trying to use all the ingredients. I never could get the superglue to fit in, though.

I truly contemplated asking Creepy Grandma what was going on, but there was something about the crooked pink lipstick that put me off.

Watch out, guys.  She's in North Texas today.....she'll be on the news tomorrow.

Remember you heard it here first.


******* A gazillion bonus points to the first person who names the movie that's quoted in this post!