Parker, Parkour

Background...
My bed is about a gazillion feet off the floor.   When we bought the new mattress and box springs, we didn't realize that putting them on our bed frame would make their combined height about five foot.   I exaggerate by only about 2 inches.

Background...
Parkour for those who don't know is trying to get from point A to point B in the most direct path.  This involves running, jumping over obstacles, and basically acting a fool.  The Kid is really good at one of the three.

I'll let you guess which one.

The story.....
There I am, lying in bed, letting my phone charge, and generally being lazy on a weekend morning, when she comes running in.

"Parker! Parker!" she screams at the top of her lungs shattering the morning calm and screeching as though perhaps someone named Parker has broken in and is chasing her.

Confused, my mind immediately goes to 70s heartthrob Parker Stevenson of the Hardy Boys.   I always knew I would marry him in my little 8 year old brain.  Apparently, he finally got the memo and is coming for me in my old age thirties.

Dreamy, isn't he?   Even with Farrah Fawcett's hair.  

"Parker?" I ask.

"Parker! Parker!"

The Kid flings her body, like a drunk in a mosh pit, off the bed only to immediately high jump back onto the bed like an Olympic gold medalist.

Unfortunately, I had shifted slightly with my elbow resting on the bed and my lightly closed fist high in the air.

My hand glances along her cheekbone and rests on her eye.

"Stop, you nut job! I don't want to explain to the ER how you blacked your own eye on my fist!"

"It won't be my fault.  PARKER!" she screams as she flops around on my bed like a fish out of water.

 I begin to mimic my own voice talking to a doctor from the emergency department. "Yes, doctor.  There I was just lying there, minding my own business, checking Facebook, and in she runs and throws herself on my fist while screaming something about Parker from the Hardy Boys."

I change my voice into a deep, pompous  doctor's voice, "Yes, I see.  She screamed Parker and then you punched her, because she is mentally disturbed and special.  Nurse, call CPS."

I bump her with my shoulder, "Do you see how this is going down?  This is the beginning of the story of how you got a new family."

The Kid starts giggling.  "Who's Parker?  I said 'Parkour.'"

You said, "Parkour? Parkour?"

The Kid rolls off the bed and flings her body back onto the bed, her feet almost hitting in the ceiling fan.  "HARDCORE PARKOUR!"

So when you see her with a black eye and various bruises all over her body, she's not been abused.  It's just hardcore parkour, bro.